Off The Rails Ties

Nell Frizzell is all tied up

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Feminism has achieved many things in the field of fashion. Unbound feet, uncrushed lungs and trousers, to name but a few. And yet, a fabric arrow pointing to our genitals is still a pleasure, nay honour, greatly denied to the sisterhood.

I am, of course, talking ties. Although women do wear neck attire from time to time, these tie brides are usually rocking a heinous Rihanna-style red carpet take on the tuxedo, or they’re your waitress for the evening at a chain pizza restaurant. Few of us have fully embraced the sheer ‘hey lads, catch a load of this packet, down here, follow the fabric, I’ve even put a picture of Bugs Bunny on it to make sure you don’t miss anything’ potential of the tie rack. The Kanye West/ Dev Hynes bow-tie phenomenon of the last five years had about as much impact on female dressing as the cricket box, and while the 80s short suit may be back in power, it is as open at the neck as an extra in Apocalypto.

As for politics, while our party leaders have been obsessively loyal to their respective blue, red and yellow nooses during the election debates, I am yet to see Harriet Harman, Theresa May or Lynne Featherstone wearing anything even remotely resembling a Tetris tie, or Pacman cravat. More’s the pity.

So my sisters, take one for the team. Show them how it’s done. Be well hung.

Posted on Wednesday 12th May 2010

You are in: Fashion » Off The Rails »Ties